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It’s end of my first day of school… Miss Ugo asks us to hug each other.

I don’t like hugs because it is always always painful. I don’t know why we have to hug even in school.

I didn’t want to disobey Miss Ugo and become a bad pupil.

So I turned away from the class and began to remove my clothes.
After removing my clothes and also my pants, I looked around for a clean space to lie down.
I found a space, laid down and spread my legs wide open. I wondered why everyone is taking time to get ready for ‘hug’. Someone has to take the lead I guess.

My teacher didn’t look very pleased, judging from her expression… Some of the kids covered their faces.

“poor kids” I thought, still lying on the floor.

“they don’t even know what a hug is” I continued in my head of course.

My teacher is approaching me, she looks angry now. I could tell because her cheeks are red. My mum’s face is usually that red whenever she is Washing my body and I tell her my “Bum Bum” Is paining me. So my mum will get angry and her cheeks will turn red, sometimes she will cry and not say anything.

I don’t want my teacher to cry, so I got up. I’m beginning to get worried because I am still the only person who has no clothes on.

I still can’t understand why my whole class does not know what a hug is or how to do it.

Well this once, maybe this once I have to believe my daddy. “This is a special kind of hugs Lucy” he would say amidst sweats. “It’s only for special girls” he would continue.

Maybe I really am special.

“Here! Put on your clothes and follow me” Miss Ugo shrieked angrily.

In our proprietress’s office. I told “Big mummy” (That’s what they told us to call her) and Miss Ugo how my daddy hugs me every other night.

They were both in tears as I tell them that, the only part of hugs that I hated the most is when my daddy tries out his fingers one after the other until one fits inside my bumbum.

It’s already school over and my daddy will be mad if I don’t wait in my class like he had instructed.

Big mummy gives Miss Ugo a look, she picks up her desk phone and dials a number. Miss Ugo takes me outside and puts her arm around me… It felt so good.

“That is a hug” Miss Ugo whispers and breaks down in tears again.

“How can this be a hug? It wasn’t painful ” I thought.

My daddy is around and Miss Ugo asks him to see Big mummy. Shortly after, 2 police officers comes in and enters big mummy’s office.

I can hear myself talk from big mummy’s cell phone. I sounded so funny, I let out a light chuckle.
The police comes out of big mummy’s office with my father. His hands are tied behind his back. He looks angry. I know I am in trouble.

We didn’t go home. We went to the hospital in big mummy’s car. Miss Ugo was beside me the whole time until the Doctor asks me to follow him. He removes my pant, collects torchlight from the nurse and looks into my bum bum. I closed my eyes expecting pains but he doesn’t put his fingers inside. He puts off the light and talks to the nurse who jots down what he said. He helps me wear my pant and takes me back to meet big mummy and miss Ugo.

Back in Big Mummy’s car, miss Ugo calls out our address for Big mummy.

We get to my house and my mum comes out. She doesn’t say anything as usual. She just brings out a big placard that reads “I AM DEAF and ALSO DUMB”

Big mummy and miss Ugo started crying again. I have had enough so I joined them to cry and my mum followed suit.
Let’s protect our girl child


#EveryWomanListen! MEMORABLE QUOTES…



Were you absent at the July edition of #EveryWomanListen!?

Or, you made it to the hangout?

Ok. Whichever of the group you belong, here is a quote from one of our panelists, Mr. Michael Awe who is a relationship counsellor.

Let’s give this a try. And abuse of women will be a thing of the past in our society.

Good morning. And have a fabulous day ahead!




Where idiot who said that a wet woman is a compliant woman? Please tag him on this. Thanks.

I would like to share my story concerning the ongoing say no to rape campaign.

Please hide my Id and post ma, I trust you thou.

It all happened on June 12,2014. I was 20 years old then. I used to have a friend who lives not too far from my house with her family. It was a family of 7 , the dad , mom , her elder brother , my friend and her 2younger sisters.

I wanted to visit that my friend since its been a while I heard from , I tried her number , it wasn’t going . So I felt everyone including her sisters who are still in secondary school would be at home since it was June 12 , a public holiday dedicated to Late MKO Abiola.

I dressed up that morning around 11. I knocked the gate , her elder brother came to open the door. I greeted him and asked when did he arrive from where he was serving? He said last night that he is very sick that was why he came home. I asked of my friend and he said she is inside.

I walked into their sitting room boldly as it wasn’t my first time of visiting . I greeted ‘ E kaaro oo’ thinking their parents especially their mom might be home because she is a nurse .

Aunty Bunmi, I met the absence of nobody. I wanted to call her elder brother but he was right behind me , I said but you told me my friend is at home. He looked at me from head to toe, I started feeling uncomfortable. I told him I wanted to leave. Getting to the door , it was locked …then I knew I was done for that day.

He moved close to me and said today is D -day,he said he must start a relationship with him today. I forgot to tell you he asked me out and I told him I can’t date because I see a brother.

He repeated , today is D-day, I began to cry. Shouting and screaming for help but no one could hear because he increased the volume of the music he was listening to before I came in. We were still in their sitting room.

He dragged me into his room and pushed me on the bed. I begged him with tears , I told him I have never done this before, I told him I was a virgin. Aunty Bunmi . He said Yes , that would make me date and marry him because we ladies don’t forget who deflower us easily.

I bite him but how can someone like me escape from someone who has a similar stature with Uncle Hymar Idible David , he was hefty. I kept struggling with him. Within some seconds , Aunty Bunmi I was naked. He removed everything on me , he behaved like an animal. I still continued struggling with him when he stood up from the bed , I was glad, I stood up immediately naked but with my clothes , got to his door , it was locked. I turned back to see him with his Ankara trousers,about 2 or 3. He pushed me to the bed again and tied my hand to the burglary of the window. He gave me blows on my arm and thigh , Aunty Bunmi, I became weak. I couldn’t move. I kept crying. He started romancing me and the idiot said I was wet , that I’m enjoying the touches ,that is why I was wet.

Aunty Bunmi , he finally had his way. He saw the blood and he started weeping . He swore to marry me that he never believed I was a Virgin..That he would have allowed me go if he knew I was truly a virgin.

I started cursing him, he slapped me ,beat me and threw me out to their sitting room with my clothes. I wore my clothes there and left for a sister that I trust very well. I explained things to her , she said the best thing is to keep shut because people will blame me for going there in the first place , she called my parent that I won’t be coming home that day. She gave me drugs and made sure I was very okay before going back home. I got home and packed my things and left for school since I only came home for break. He never told my friend I came and I just couldn’t explain all that happened but since then , I started avoiding my friend.

Up till now , I feel so hurt. I still feel the pains. He later came to beg me with a marriage proposal but I said never . I will never marry an abuser. Those moments are still fresh in my memory. Till now, I live in shame, I live in pains.


And that was how I lost my virginity to someone I had no feelings for . I would be glad if you can post

By Olu Bunmi



She was raped at 13 and denied justice because her rapist is the Oba’s relative. She is crying for justice. Please let’s help her. Please… Please…

Hmmn, well done Sis B, I was 13 years old and about to seat for my J. S. S3 exam. A pastor of our church was getting married, (May 1999), my Dad bought the couple a wall clock and asked to take it to my sister’s husband to print know it cause he was an artist. I dropped the clock and was coming back home, it’s like 30 mins walk. I got to a house where the drainage in front of it has damaged so I had to walk few steps in the compound before continuing, suddenly, a man who lived in the compound and has always beckon on me each time I pass, emerged and pull me inside. I tried shouting but he brought out a knife, like suya knife and threatened to slice my throat.
The shoe compound was as silent as a graveyard, he led me to his room and raped me from the rear right on the floor, I was shivering and begging but he didn’t stop. He cleaned the blood with his handkerchief and let me go
On getting home, I told my dad who reported at the police station, he was arrested and detained, my dad insisted that he should be charged to court (my mum was late). Along the line, my dad was forced to settle our of court cause the man was somehow related to the king of our town, different people came to warn my dad not to continue because the king was involved, that he might go diabolical and kill me even if I win the case. My dad insisted but after some time agreed due to pressure and we were so poor.
My dad and I cried terribly because he were denied justice, I was just thirteen years old and was forced to sign, I still see the man anytime I visit my town. I wish to see him humiliated or dead.
Aunty Bunmi, is there any way I can revisit the case? Is there anyway I can seek for justice?
I can’t be happy until I see him rot in jail.
My dad was very notable in my town but was cheated because of our poor state of living, the useless monarch is still alive and I hope all his children perish before his face. Pls help me post ma, who knows, I might see help.
Thanks ma
By Olu Bunmi



My friend told me her story about 20 years ago. And it stayed with me. She has given me permission to tell it. Her father violated her.

She said they fled Nigeria as a result of the civil war. They got a place here in England. A three bedroom property. Her parents had one room. Her mixed gender siblings had one room and my friend had one room to herself. This was the beginning of sibling rivalry. How could she have a room to herself while everyone else shared a room he siblings said. Little did they know. What they did not know was that she could give anything to share a room with someone else. For in having a room to herself, her father had free access to come into her room to rape her. Constantly.

He treated her like a princess. Opened a bank account for her and gave her money generously. This made her siblings almost hate her because she was the only child Daddy gave money to, and generously too. What her siblings did not know was that she was paying in kind the money he paid her to take her innocence.

He impregnated her. I think she was about 13 when it happened the first time. Her parents took her to the GP for an abortion. And he continued to abuse her. She got pregnant again. Again, her parents took her to the GP and had to have an abortion again. They told the G.P that she was loose and needed to have contraception. She had a coil fitted when she was about 14.

And her father continued. Till she found him trying to groom her junior sister. She told him she would kill him if he tried it with her sister. He then stopped.

She said that because her parents had called her loose, she then decided to ‘earn’ the label.

Her parents have died now but she said she has forgiven them and is no longer bitter or angry.

By Olu Bunmi



From my inbox… she made him rue the day he tried to rape her. She has a message for victims.

This is a rape attempt that I encountered few years ago. I’m giving this account because women need to learn to fight back. There is no shame in being raped rather the rapist should be shamed.

He was a guy I liked and was even willing to date. I visited his house and while there he suddenly changed his attitude and started trying to touch me. When I told him to stop, he went to the door and locked it then placed the key high where I couldn’t reach.

He held my neck and started choking me because I was struggling seriously. Sis, I nearly passed out. I couldn’t breathe and my eyes felt swollen. I stopped struggling and decided to allow him have his way. As he unbuttoned my blouse what he told me gave me the worst goosebumps I’ve ever felt. He told me, “You are not going to enjoy this so better endure it and let me be done with it.”

I got angry, so angry that I grabbed his arm with my teeth and bit him. I didn’t let go even when he started punching my ear. I didn’t let go. I tasted his blood and still bit harder. There was blood everywhere but it wasn’t mine. It was all his.

He gave me a punch and told me he would kill me. I ran to his electronic stand and picked one long speaker and hit it on him several times. I damaged his electronics, I was screaming like a wild animal. I was about destroying his large screen television when he opened the door and told me to get out, which I did.

I ran outside and fell to the ground. That was when people gathered around to help me. It took me about 3 weeks to recover but when I did, I didn’t hide. I went to his house with my friends and we destroyed his car with hammers, crowbars and pestles. I also went to his office to harass him. Sis, I put the fear of God in that bastard. He had to pack out from his estate and run away because I and my friends were not letting him off that easy.

Women need to fight back. Even if we can’t get our revenge that very day, plan it. Even if it takes two years, plan it and ensure that person pays for what he did. If he had succeeded in raping me, I would have committed murder and never felt an iota of regret.

By Olu Bunmi



From my inbox… her room mate’s cousin organised for both of them to be raped on campus. He raped his cousin.

Morning Aunty Bunmi, good job ure doing on the Rape series.

I was gang raped with my room mate in our 1st year at the Polytechnic by her cousin and his friends who were at University of Ibadan.UI was next to the Polytechnic.

I still remember the guy’s name who orchestrated the Rape. My room mate met him in Poly earlier in the day and he said he would check on her later in the evening. She gave him our address at the quarters.

He came in the evening with another friend and she introduced him as (name witheld) her cousin in UI. He is very dark with a rich deep voice. This was around 1995 and 1996.

They said they wanted to take us out for a few drinks and came back to pick us at about 8pm. They srokw straight to a house around Sango on the way to Mokola. Big house with big compound. They said they wanted to pick some cash.

He then asked us to to meet his uncle. How dumb we were!. We walked in to see 3 more guys. One of them brought out a gun. They led us to different rooms.

My room mate was raped by her cousin and another guy. I was raped by 2 or 3 diff guys till the early hours of the morning.

The mistake we made was that my room mate trusted her cousin. We did not go out with complete strangers. I learnt a hard lesson from my Year 1.

I later saw my room mate’s cousin several years after the incident . We had left school. It was at a shopping plaza in Ikeja and he was with a friend. He kept staring at me . I couldn’t bring myself to confront him then as I had mixed emotions in me, Anger, shame, he was talking to the person he came with and I don’t know what they were saying. This is the 1st time I am openly talking about it. My friend got pregnant and she had to have an abortion. I was lucky not to be pregnant.

By Olu Bunmi



I used to know a couple. From the outside, it always seemed like they were a happy family. Everyone believed they were genuinely happy.

But the man always had swollen face and black eyes. It was later confirmed that his wife was always punching him. There were days the beatings landed him in hospital for days.

One of their children fell sick and needed to have blood tests. It was then discovered that he had the AS genotype. The man was confused because both himself and his wife were AA. After much interrogation and medical investigations, it was discovered that three of their four children were not biologically his.

He was devastated. But his pastor advised him not to divorce his wife because God hates divorce, and marriage is for better for worse. He asked him to accept the children, and keep praying for his wife.
He also advised him to fast, pray and read his Bible. He gave him Bible passages to read every day in order to keep faith.

But the wife never stopped cheating. He would cook her favourite meals, kneel down and beg her to stop cheating, but she would respond by beating him.

Although she worked and earned as much as her husband earned; she never contributed her money to the family. She spent her money on men, while her husband solely took care of the children’s needs. The husband also did the cooking and domestic chores till the children grew old enough to look after themselves and handle some chores.

It got to a point this woman started bringing her side cocks home. And the husband was always scared to complain to avoid any beating from both the wife and the side cocks.

He was wise enough not to challenge his wife’s authority. He would even run the warm bath for his wife and side cocks. Then sleep on the couch to allow his wife and her side cock their needed privacy.

As a result of his good behavior whenever his wife comes home with her side cocks, he got less beatings from the wife. It pays to be good.

But this man didn’t give up, he kept praying and praying and praying. He cried unto the a Lord to save his marriage.

Last year, 34 years after they got married, and when the man was 65 years old, his 61 year old wife had a car accident on her way to a weekend away with one of her side cocks. She suffered a stroke, and recovered with underlying partial paralysis. Her husband is now her full time carer.

The man went to Church to give thanksgiving to God. God answered his prayers after over 30years because his wife is no more cheating on him, and she doesn’t beat him anymore.

This is my advice to men out there. If your wife is cheating on you or abusing you, just keep praying because there is nothing God cannot do. Count it all a joy, and never be discouraged. Hold on to your faith.

This is why I always say that only prayerful men can keep their homes. A man needs to be prayerful, so that when his wife starts misbehaving, he can go on his knees and do the needful. Knees are for kneeling and praying for cheating and abusive wives.

I hope the men of these days learn a thing or two from this man. Keeping your marriage is not all about forming macho “upandan”, you need spiritual guidance, and above all, you need to be prayerful….. very prayerful.

Tap a blessing and be inspired from the story of this man that I have narrated. He cried unto the Lord for years, he fought to keep his marriage, and at the end of the day, God answered his prayers. His wife stopped beating him and cheating on him.

Divorce should never be the first option, even though your wife is cheating on you and being physically violent. Just keep praying. Remember it’s natural for women to cheat.

Because sorrows may last for the night, but Joy comes in the morning.

Remember that we can’t judge this woman because “JUDGE NOT”. Nobody holy pass. 😇

Nkechi Bianze.



Paedophiles don’t operate in the streets, they operate where they are trusted.

This simply means that a paedophile will not pick a random child off the street to molest, the chances of being outed by the child are higher because children are naturally wary of strangers. And paedophiles don’t want to be exposed.That is not their MO.

So they usually go for vulnerable children around them.

They stalk, groom and strike.

They stalk a child to know their movements and when it’s best to be alone with the child.

Then they start to groom the child by befriending the child and finding out certain information from the child. A child that does not know anything about their body parts and sexual abuse is vulnerable.

Finally they strike after they have completed the grooming.

Most of the child sexual molesters are not strangers, they are family and friends with easy and unrestricted access to these children and that is what makes it very easy to molest those vulnerable children.

Don’t be any under illusions that there are no paedophiles around you and your children, they are around you but you just don’t know because most of their victims have refused to speak out about the abuse. So they move around without anybody suspecting them.

There are peadophiles around you in these group of people.

Close and extended family members. Such as uncles and cousins.

Domestic staff. Drivers, gateman, gardener, house helps.

Family friends. Fathers/sons/their cousins that comes to visit.

Religious figures such as pastors and Imams.

And family doctors.

Living in denial about this issue won’t make paedophiles to stop being peadophiles or stop them from going after children or seek your children out.

The best form of defence/prevention is to educate yourself and then educate your children.

A knowledgeable mind is hard to manipulate let alone subdue and control.

By Adesupo Adesanya Okuleye



My wife is too lazy and scattered, what can I do?

Dear Praise,
I have a matter that has been bothering my mind since I married this woman. What actually attracted me to her was the fact that she was very clean and neat and each time I visited her house before I proposed I met a tidy environment which was one of the qualities I wanted in a wife. But I feel I was actually deceived because the moment we had our 2nd baby she became very lazy and the house is perpetually upside down.
I have complained about this and I almost hit her one day when her excuses was becoming unbearable for me. She keeps complaining about her workload but I visit my friends and wonder how their wives manage to keep the home clean> I just feel some of these our modern day girls are too lazy. It seems they want marriage without understanding what it takes to fulfil the traditional roles of being a woman.
Things have gotten so bad right now that she pisses me off each time I see her.
Please what can I do to make her become organized?

Ibrahim O– Lagos

Dear Ibrahim ,
Thanks so much for your mail and for trusting this platform.
Let me start by applauding you for not hitting your wife because that would have amounted to domestic violence. There is no good man that beats a woman over an issue that common sense and wisdom can resolve.
From your mail you did not specify the type of apartment you live in but I’d assume it’s being a flat or a duplex for the purpose of this discussion. If you met your wife as an organized woman who paid adequate attention to her personal affairs and all these changed after a 2nd child don’t you need to sit down and ask yourself the role you played in turning an organized woman into a scattered woman?
A man is a bridegroom and the way your wife looks at the moment is a testimony to your grooming ability so what you have at the moment is exactly the woman you have produced from your production factory.
There could have been so many reasons for what you now called a scattered woman and it may not have anything to do with laziness as posited by you. I’d like to ask you the following questions;

1. What is your role in helping her out of the burden of household chores? – Your wife is a human being not a machine and the burden of handling 2 children who are a handful on their own as well as combining that with fixing meals and taking care of you in bed and her own personal life is enough to drain any human being no matter how powerful they are?
Do you help this woman to cook or do you cook at all, bathe the kids or even clean the house? If you have not lent a helping hand then you have no right to complain. It is so easy to compare the 21st century woman with the women of old but often times we are not being fair to them because the women of old never kept a corporate job. Most of them were full time house-wives so it was easy and many of them even had domestic helps in family members who came to live with them. Does your wife have all these?
Why don’t you tell her to relax for a week while you try your hands on the domestic chores just to prove to her that it was laziness that was responsible for your scattered house and you must do everything in this one week. Once you can show her how easy this could be achieved you might as well continue doing it afterall there is no law anywhere that legislated that a woman must be the one to clean the house.

2. Do you have a domestic management system? – I often talk about couples developing a domestic management system to promote orderliness in their homes. What that means is that the 2 of you must sit down to adequately analyze what the real problem could be and agree on how to tackle the issues. For example if you guys have developed a habit of dropping your shoes wherever you like once you return from work, you now need to agree on the penalties for not putting the right things in the right places first time.
Domestic management system must take into account everything that affects your home and that must include:
– Kitchen plan
– Play area for the kids
– Re-order level of your food stuff
– Bedroom golden rules
– Our space protocol etc
Once you can talk things through I am sure you would see the areas your wife genuinely needs help and by either hiring a hand to help( a house-keeper not a house-help) or by you taking some of the burden off her you would have the kind of home you desire.

3. Are your children old enough to understand order? – It is tough to keep a home clean when your kids are yet to attain their pre-teen years except where you have created a play space where they can do all they desire to do. Children are a handful on their own and they don’t know the difference between a sitting room or a play arena except where you have clearly defined these spaces. I call them chief disorganizing officers because they have mastered the art of re-arranging the home in their own image after you are done arranging yours.
I am not discounting your observation though but I must let you know that organized people don’t just become disorganized overnight. What has been her emotional state lately and how often does she get words of affirmation from you? A woman that is constantly criticized would eventually wither because she is like a flower that requires consistent grooming to stay alive.
Please go back to your wife and try to do some of the suggestions above and I am sure you shall experience an orderly environment once again.

I honour you

By Praise Fowowe